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Mai Atzmon 3rd Year Work

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#1
LunaPie

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Hi everyone, I'm starting this thread a bit late, but will hopefully be uploading my animation much more frequently from now on.

Here is my animation from this week after trying to apply some of the feedback from monday's class. Please feel free to give me crit!

 

 



#2
Moid

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This is going really well. Things I notice:

 

When you have one hand on her chest and she is saying "Wow, look at you", slowly move that hand down across the chest a bit - or at least move the fingers down - you need to show the subconscious movement of attraction to another person here :)

 

Another thought, at the start of the clip should she be looking over the right of screen, then add in a door opening sound effect, and she turns her head to react to it? That would give more reason for her to sound surprised - in your shot she's already looking at the person, so it wouldn't be such a surprise.

 

The "Have you been working out" section - her left hand when it sort of points is very floppy - it needs to be slower and more exaggerated, stylised even, holding that finger pointing at the object of her affection - hard to explain this in words, but ask me the next time you bump into me in the labs and I'll show you.

 

The legs on the second half of the film don't do anything either - the start of the shot has them crossed, which works well, then she uncrosses them, but then they become redundant. Also when she uncrosses them the hand that was on them flops into the air and then comes back down again for no reason - perhaps you could use that hand to gracefully caress the thigh a bit in the second half? If you put her on a bar stool, you could avoid the twinning legs by having one leg settle back under the bar stool, while the other straightens out down the to ground a bit, or if that seems too un ladylike, have both legs tuck under the stool, but cross over at the ankles perhaps

 

Another thought -the below image has a good pose, but needs the direct eye contact that you have

stock-photo-beautiful-girl-sitting-on-a-

 

The below image shows what I meant about the feet crossed at the ankles, but it's losing the sexy feel you need for this, so that might be a bad idea

 

sad-girl-sits-stool-2891456.jpg

 

 

The below has a great pose - no twinning and a good line of action that your character is missing - I do think you should show the entire figure for this shot as well. This pose would be easy to open up with the arms moving about. I think having the character facing flat on to camera really destroys the composition.

9411868-Young-beautiful-woman-sits-on-ba

 

Keep going, your motion is really improving, but I think you may need to re think all the poses for a stronger effect.


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#3
LunaPie

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Thanks so much for the crit martin! I agree, the pose in the end is very front on lacks a line of action and there is a bit too much symmetry in there. I like the idea of the barstool so I will try to do something like that, and I will try to add a couple of seconds in the beginning to add more context :)



#4
ichi

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This looks really good so far, loving some of the work on the arcs, offsets and detail on the lipsync. Here's some notes:

 

-I agree with what Martin has said already, especially about the wrists and final key pose, I'm not great at performance but I'd say she starts the second beat very early - "have you been working out?".  If she were to hold on the eye dart to add in a beat (in the pause between the dialogue) you could break up the movement in the body a LOT, it looks very pose to pose to pose at the moment and it feels a little unnatural to make a big gesture like that before beginning to talk.

 

-After the first "you", everything moves off at more or less the same time. It'd be nice to get some lead and follow, maybe starting with the head or the leg. Also on the first "you" it would be cool to lead with the torso and have the head follow in to the "ooooo" of the "you" but that's just preference

 

-The lipsync looks nice but I'd take another look at the timing on the second half, it looks like it could be shifted a frame or two forwards.

 

-Have a look at the elbows since you've got some nice arcs on the hands but the elbows are a bit crraaaazy.

 

-The right hand movement looks like a very conscious decision rather than being an unconscious movement, she's pulling it up quite a lot just to clear her leg and when it's down the hand looks like it's in a bit of an uncomfortable pose, like she's pressing her fingers apart.

 

-Something small for me is that it looks like a bit of a violent movement on the second "you", like a mini headbang. But maybe that's just being picky.

 

e: Oh also I'd have a go at just moving the knees to screen left after the right foot has come down for more of a flirtatious, inquisitive pose, it might not look right but it's worth a shot and makes for some easy asymmetry like the girls martin linked


Edited by ichi, 10 October 2017 - 11:39 PM.

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#5
LunaPie

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Thanks for the detailed crit, I will give those tips a go, I agree that her hand movements are a bit unnatural and it seems a bit pose to pose :)


Edited by LunaPie, 11 October 2017 - 02:14 PM.


#6
LunaPie

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So I decided to restart my creature animation today and it contains a dog running at one point so I need some crit on this gallop because there is definitely something off about it and I've been looking at it too long to tell what it is.

 

password: dog

 


Edited by LunaPie, 12 October 2017 - 09:09 PM.


#7
LunaPie

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I feel like this is too slow?

 

password: dog

 



#8
Lluis Cavalcanti

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The cycle looks ok, but it needs changes to make it look great.
The body should react to the contact of the legs, whereas now is just going up and down smoothly, specially the front part, The front legs also need tweaking, they are moving forward too fast, they stay still all the time.. etc
The head/neck is too stiff and doesn't feel too conected with the rest of the action. The tail also could be a bit more loose.
In general I feel that some poses are too robotic and lack loosenes and an organic feeling to them.
I'll try to ilustrate this with some drawings:
EhPyFY5.gif
p4SQlnQ.gif

Check that reference:


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#9
ichi

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I think your chest could use a lot more rotation too, check the spine on the ref Luis posted, you've got nice forward rotation on the hips but not much on the chest, it looks like its being more or less translated atm.

 

A lot of the feeling that the spine is stretching comes from the chest rotating inwards then outwards



#10
LunaPie

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thanks for the crit lluis, yeah I was struggling with the neck stiffness for a while but I think i've figured it out now, i just needed to stretch it more. I also sped it up by 2 frames as he was fefinitely running to slowly, and ive tried to add more weight and springiness to his back as he jumps up and down :)







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